Emotionally and practically, it is a very complex decision to help an aging adult move out of their home. You usually know that a change is needed for safety and wellness - but many people second guess their decision and deal with guilty feelings. Assisted Living may help decrease your worry because your loved one will have more sets of eyes watching over them regularly.
While each situation is unique, here are signs that can help you find the right assisted living option for you.
Red flags that it might be time to move
* Recent accidents or close calls. A fall, medical scare, or fender bender can be an eye opener. Who responded and how long did it take? Accidents happen, but as people get older, the odds rise of them happening again.
* A slow recovery. How did the person you're caring for weather the most recent illness (for example, a flu or bad cold)? Was he or she able and willing to seek medical care when needed, or did last winter's cold develop into untreated bronchitis?
* A chronic health condition that's worsening. Progressive problems such as COPD, dementia, and congestive heart failure can decline gradually or precipitously, but either way, their presence means your loved one will increasingly need help.
* Increasing difficulty managing the activities of daily living (ADLs). ADLs are the skills needed to live independently -- dressing, shopping, cooking, doing laundry, managing medications, and so on. Doctors, social workers, and other geriatric experts evaluate them as part of a functional assessment. This is one way to get an expert's view of the situation.
Up-close and personal signs
* Give your loved one a hug. Sometimes, physical touch can tell you how the aging adult is doing. How do they compare to the last time you were together?
* Is there noticeable weight loss? Can you tell if they feel thinner? Are clothes loose, or has he added notches to his belt? This may indicate the person is having trouble shopping or remembering how to cook or to eat. You may want to check the fridge to see if there is appropriate amounts of food.
* Are they more frail? Does the person feel weaker? Can they easily rise from a chair? Do they seem unsteady?
* Noticeable weight gain. Diabetes and dementia can also cause someone to slow down for forget that they are eating.
* Strange body odor. Have personal hygiene habits changed? Are they not changing their clothes or forgetting to shave?
Social signs
* While it is normal for social circles to shrink with age, isolation can bring health and safety concerns.
* Signs of active friendships. Lack of companionship can be associated with depression and heart problems in older adults. If a spouse has died or friends have moved away, moving to a place where other people are around could be lifesaving.
* Is your loved one bored or goes days without leaving the house? It is ok for people to cut back on activities, but giving up all of their old interests and isolating themselves can be a flag for depression. Many assisted living facilities have regular outings to keep people active and involved.
* Is there someone who can check in regularly? Is there a neighbor or relative that can check on him or her often? Would they consider a personal alarm system or a daily calling service?
* Is there a plan for a worst-case scenario. Who steps in to help in case of emergencies? Does your loved one understand the plan?
* Money signs it might be time for assisted living
* Is mail scattered around in piles? This can be an indication that bills, insurance, and other matters are not being managed.
* Unopened personal mail. Many seniors still value a handwritten letter, so if you find unopened handwritten letters - this might be a concern.
* Thank-you messages from unfamiliar charities. Older adults can be a target for scammers and unethical charities. If giving has increased dramatically, this is not normal.
* Unopened bills. One of the most common first signs of dementia is the inability to manage personal finances.
* Overdue notices. When a person that has always been responsible starts to make mistakes with their finances, it can be an indication of something else.
Driving Signs
* The ability to drive is usually vital for independent living. While they can take an Uber, if no one in the house can drive safely, your loved one will be extremely limited in most areas.
* Cognitive impairment can make driving very dangerous. If someone is confused, they may turn the wrong way onto a one-way street or enter a highway off-ramp.
* Nicks or dents on the car. Damage marks can be signs of careless driving.
* Tension, preoccupation, or being easily distracted. This may be a sign of changing abilities - a person may turn off the radio or avoid certain routes, highway driving, or driving at night and in rain -- this indicates that they are aware their driving skills are changing.
* Signs of dangerous driving. People whose driving ability is impaired are more likely to mix up gas and brake pedals, tailgate, drift from their lane or react slowly to lights or other cars.
Kitchen Signs
* Stale or expired foods. Is food not only old but is the age unnoticed? Look for mold or sour milk that's still used, or expiration dates well past due.
* Multiples of the same item. Multiples often reveal that the shopper can't remember what's in stock at home.
* Signs of fire. Charred stove knobs? Pot bottoms burned? Potholders with burned edges? Ask for the story behind what you see. Home fires are a common danger for older adults.
Pet and Plant Care Signs
* The ability to take care of pets and plants goes along with self-care.
* Animals aren’t well tended. Overflowing cat litter boxes or dead fish in the fish tank. Your loved one may no longer be able to care for animals.
* Plants that are dead or just gone. Most of us have seen plants go brown sometimes. Keep an eye out for chronic neglect, especially in a former plant-lover's home.
* Get help looking for signs that it might be time for assisted living
Talk to Others
* Gently probing others isn't nosy; you're being loving, concerned, and proactive. Insight from others can give you a well rounded picture of your loved one.
* Talk to their friends
* With appropriate permission, their doctor can offer valuable feedback
* Senior professionals: a social work or care manager can do informal evaluations and your aging adult may even welcome venting to a sympathetic and knowledgeable stranger.
* Caregivers' signs it might be time for assisted living
* Do not disregard your own feelings and health. How are you or the primary caregivers doing? Caregiving is exhausting and often there are not many breaks. If you are exhausted, not only are you wearing yourself out, but the care you are giving is probably declining, too.
* Your loved one's emotional state. Safety is crucial, of course, but so is emotional well-being. If someone living alone is riddled with anxieties or increasingly lonely, then that may tip the scales toward a move not solely based on health and safety reasons.
**There are pros and cons to both in home care and assisted living. While in home care may work for a while, many people find that their senior’s needs surpass what is available or safe at home.**
